it’s not gonna keep me from eating roast pork, though!

Hello, Dear Friends.

If you read my tweets or facebookings or whatever the heck they’re called, then you know that I’ve been down for the past few days with the flu, more than likely of the swine variety.  The only reason I say that is because I got inoculated for the regular kind and the fact that around 4 am Sunday morning, I thought I was going to freeze to death.  So I huddled under many blankets and turned the heated mattress pad on high (yes, a heated  mattress pad, we get kind of thin-blooded here in Arizona after a while) and then woke up the Hubster who disagreed with me on the fact that I was freezing to death; I was actually burning up with fever.  Then he went back to sleep.  Hubster’s not a man to disturb when he’s sleeping.  However, if you ever ask the Hubster how he sleeps, he will tell you that he’s a very light sleeper and he hasn’t gotten a good night’s sleep since he met me seven and a half years ago.  On the other hand, if you ask me, he’s got the loudest snore of a “light sleeper” that I’ve ever known.

Anyway, I spent all day Sunday (which was our sixth wedding anniversary, drat the luck!) either fitfully dozing in bed or fitfully dozing in the recliner or falling down when I got up to go the bathroom.  When that occurred, Hubster reflected that he’s had pneumonia and swine flu, yet he never got faint upon standing, yet, when I fall ill, I tend to get very light-headed.  That’s probably because his brain is so chock-full of stupid facts, like the half-life of the bottom half of the periodic table, whereas my brain is filled with bad movie trivia, knitting stitches, and Gilbert& Sullivan lyrics. 

See?  You have a head full of light opera, you get light-headed when you’re feverish.  Makes sense to me, Hubster, what’s your problem??

So I’ve been home from work this week, and I’m staying home again tomorrow, because the very very tiny presence of logic in me says that I should stay home if I have the freaking swine flu, but then, the Very Recently Unemployed part of me (which is still kind of foremost in my very paranoid psyche) worries that I might not have a job to go back to.

Gah.  I am being illogical, no? 

Anyway, I’m off to take a couple more meds . . . ta!

 

WDLS WED: Kn I has new kybard?

 

WDLS WED: probably still need a map, though

 

mmmmmm . . . brains

I’m currently hiding in the back of the house because the Hubster is making horrible noises with his router.  He ’s been building a new aquarium stand and he’s doing some pretty intricate work — as he should be since he spent several hundred dollars on new tools to build this thing.  It will be lovely when it’s done, I know, but the tool noises and the smell of dull blades chewing their way through wood is giving me bad flashbacks to the old old job.   The other night was the absolute worst, though . . . he was painting the shelf area where the aquarium will actually sit with black latex paint, and black latex has a peculiar odor to it.  It’s probably the lampblack pigment itself; at any rate, the smell transports me back to seven years ago when that was the odor I was immersed in for zillions of hours a week.

The new new job continues, and after six weeks, I finally have my head wrapped around the methodology of training:

1. Get thrown to the wolves.
2. Fuck up reprehensibly.
3. Get thrown to the wolves again.
4. Get told in exasperated tones at a very fast rate of speed how to fix the problem.
5. At the same time, fix other people’s reprehensible fuck-ups.
6. Hear, “You’re doing a great job.”
7. Repeat.

I’m not sure why it took me six weeks to figure this out, because the Hubster divined the method nearly instantaneously.   But then he’s a total geek and a dweeb and an engineer for heaven’s sake; he’s hard-wired for following a flowchart, whereas I’m all organic and hippie-dippy and watching the music and hearing the flowers and all. 

Oh well, each day gets a little easier, but I think that might be also because I’ve started the habit of taking an extra anti-anxiety pill midway through the day.   Yahoo for modern pharmacueticals!  (which also help with the watching the music and hearing the flowers)

Hubster is still surviving being 40, and today we went to see Zombieland, which I thought was very cleverly written and a hoot and a half, despite the fact that Woody Harrelson has been playing the same role for about 10 years now.  It’s a wee bit old, but then Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt are also doing the same.  Marty Scorcese has a new one coming out with Leonardo DiCaprio called Shutter Island that also looks quite good, but I can guarantee that the Hubster won’t be watching that one with me.  He doesn’t go into psychological thrillers so much.  He likes things blowing up, naked hooters, and zombies.  We got two out of three with Zombieland, so it was a good day.

What would make the day even better?  How about some knitted zombies?

Do you suppose knitted zombies eat yarn barf instead of brains?

 

WDLS WED: I. Will. Kill. You.

 

someone slipped a mickey into the ground zero

Dear Friends,

Have I ever explained to any of you my blogging moniker? I mean, what is a “ScotValkyrie” anyway? Well, “ScotValkyrie” (or scotvalkyrie, or even Scotvalkyrie, they’re pretty much synonymous) came about very early in my internet career, probably about 12 and a half years ago.

Remember life before the internet, kids? Hell, even before faxes and email in general? We had to wait a week before something got done, and then it was considered a “rush job”, and we were happy to have it. If we want to make life better, we should make things that make the process slower again. Or make marijuana legal so then everything will just seem a whole lot slower.

Either works for me.

So anyway, a long time ago, my Dad set up the AOL account in our house. No, I’m not that young, I rebounded back to my folk’s house after grad school and a year of trying to make it on my own in Tacoma, WA. I didn’t do too well up there. I couldn’t tolerate the 4-5 months straight of grey skies and drizzle, despite my training of living in Florida my entire life. It turns out that even though I am of the “fishbelly white” skin tone variety, I am still in need of sunlight. Also, I am not a coffee drinker, which is compulsory in the Pacific Northwest, so I had two strikes against me. I had to leave.

So anyway, Dad set up the AOL account, using his mother’s maiden name as the screen name. Erg.

No, that wasn’t her maiden name. Grandma’s maiden name was just as terse, but it was at least Teutonic in nature. But for the sake of this story, we’ll make it “Erg.” At the time, I dealt with that and explored the internet and became a junkie of certain BBSs and chat rooms of a particular British show called Red Dwarf, and one of the regular things I participated in was this sort of “daily digest” in which all of us would send lengthy emails at each other to one particular address, which was then cut and pasted into another even lengthier email by the monitor of the digest. I guess it was to be precursor to Message Boards or whatever.

At any rate, discussion wasn’t limited to Red Dwarf, naturally, and one thing I do happen to remember is arguing discussing with a vegan why he felt it was okay to wear leather shoes and silk boxers and how could he then remain vegan in both name and action (I seem to remember saying “ANSWER THAT AND STAY FASHIONABLE”) and Mr. Vegan then started a bit of a smear about whether I was actually male or female.

Remember, “Erg” or something like it @ AOL.com doesn’t exactly denote gender, and I so I replied with a bastardization of a line from the Red Dwarf series itself:

I am a 6 foot tall Scottish Valkyrie Warrior Maiden with cleavage you could ski down.

And there it all began. And remained. Forever and ever.

Amen.

I wonder what happened to all those people. I suspect that Mr. Vegan is no longer a vegan. However, if he is still vegan, then I suspect that he is still a jackass. Most of the vegans I have personally met have been jackasses.

I think it’s because they’re hungry.

 

the sun’s always shining when you wear a metal hat

Conversation with Hubster:

Valkyrie:  You get naked faster than any man I’ve known!

Hubster:  That’s because I wear only three articles of clothing, and two of them are on top of each other!

Dear Friends,

Hi there!  Remember me?  I tell you what, this working 40 hours a week and having WordPress blocked at you work is not conducive to blogging, and the Hubster kind of put a kibosh on me being on the computer so much when I’m at home.     He doesn’t “get” the blogging thing, but then he’s a Vulcan(tm) with the social capacity of a squished ferret.

Speaking of the Hubster, he just celebrated his 40th birthday!  He wasn’t too happy about the prospect, but then I gently reminded him that 40 was nothing to be too concerned about, but then, he’d always be older than me.  I got a pinch for that.

I did, however, call his office two weeks beforehand and warned them of the impending date and asked them to give him merry hell.  And they very happily obliged:

 

 

I know you can’t see it, but that little biohazard symbol on the back of the vest says, Warning!  Toxic Gas!

It must be nice to have an office with a door.  Except when your buddies at work know you’re turning 40.  And Hubster’s office is visible from the front desk (and the front door) so he got ribbed all day long. 

Still, he’s pretty goode looking for 40.  I think I’ll hang on to him.

 

knitting takes more time when you can’t do it at work anymore

Here are my latest socks in progress:

They will be so lovely!  The only real problem with socks is that they wear out because I love them and I like to wear them.  I also don’t like to darn socks.  Well, heck, I’m not even sure how to darn socks, except in my own peculiar manner: 

I hold the worn-out socks above the trashcan, and say, DARN!    And then I drop them in the trash with a sad little plop.

Oh, how fleeting, the hand-knit socks.  Is it any wonder I don’t like to knit them for anyone else?

 

the dangers of going potty in the valkyrie’s house

So anyway, the new job blows just a little because there’s absolutely no time to do all the activities I used to do at the old job; i.e. knitting and blogging and web surfing and playing games, although I did figure out that I can just get around the “blocked” sites by clicking the button that says “I need to go to this site for research”.  Seriously.  However, when I go to the blocked sites by clicking the magic button it does tend to time out, although it would give me perhaps just enough time to dash off a tweet or drop a cut-and-paste entry here, but I think I better stick to doing things liek that on my lunch hour.

Anyway, I’m doing okay with the new job, but there’s a tremendous learning curve and I occasionally feel like I was simply thrown to the wolves.  Say what you will about my previous supervisor, she wouldn’t have let me on the phone free and wild after 5 days.  Perhaps after five months, but not five days.  On the other hand, being thrown to the wolves makes one sink or swim, or at least mix her metaphors until someone (probably the Hubster) smacks her on the back of the head.  Speaking of Hubster:

Conversation with Hubster:

Valkyrie:  (who is in the bathroom) OW!  OW OW OW OW!  OW OW!

Hubster:  Um . . . do you need help?

Valkryie:  I NEED YOU TO COME KILL THIS CAT!

Wally, the large behemoth kitty of the household, likes to follow us into the hall bathroom, where he will jump up on the counter and headbutt us as we sit on the toilet.  Not that both of us (that is, Hubster and I) are ever sitting on the toilet at the same time.  That is extremely difficult.  Not impossible, just difficult.

So anyway, I had just come home and had grabbed the mail, which included a new knitting magazine, and I hied myself to the hall bathroom for a small restitutional.  I had the knitting magaziner on the counter, and when Wally tried to jump up on the counter, he slipped off, crashed into me, and proceed to wrap himself around my torso and attempt to grab hold of something.  Unfortunately, I was wearing a slippery knit blouse, and Wally could get no purchase without driving all of his claws through my blouse and into my flesh, which prompted my yelling OW over and over.

So now I have several holes in my new blouse and quite a few long claw marks along my ribcage, and the laughter of the Hubster still ringing in my ears.

Infidel!

 

for the love of all that is good and holy

Well, in the best of all possible worlds, I’d be writing a nifty entry about my new job, how it’s working out, the joy of getting a paycheck, etc, etc, etc . . . but instead I have a MeMe.  So there.

This is a “Getting to Know You” kind of MeMe; it’s making the rounds of Facebook right now.  But because I don’t play MeMe rules, I’m not going to tag anyone.  So there, once again.

1. What time did you get up this morning?

5:12 am.  It was my first attempt to go to the gym before work.  I learned two things:  I need to put my clothes in the other bathroom, because Hubster is too amused by me stumbling around in the dark for my shoes; and that if I wake up for a potty run at 3 am (as is my custom) I should take my meds then, so that my heart rate doesn’t go through the roof after 3 minutes of cardio.

2. How do you like your steak?

A bit of pink in the middle. 

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

I think that was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  Last seen on the Netflix List of Bad to Even Worse Cinema:  Island at the Top of the World and Psycho II. 

4. What is your favorite TV show?

Mythbusters, The Office, and Dirty Jobs.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

At the moment, San Luis Obispo.  Or perhaps Catalina Island. 

6. What did you have for breakfast?

A Flatout (1 point), a Hebrew National 97% fat-free hot dog (1 point), and a slice of 2% Kraft “plastic” cheese (1 point).

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

Italian

8. What foods do you dislike?

Cooked spinach, stewed tomatoes, and black liquorice.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?

A good pub-n-grub.  Or Gecko Grill, I really like that place. 

10. Favorite dressing?

1000 Island

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?

A 2006 Toyota Matrix, “Cosmic Blue” in color, with the name of “Trixie”. 

12. What are your favorite clothes?

My pajamas!

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?

New Zealand, Japan, and Scotland.  I would also like to take a train across Canada. 

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

Didn’t I order a cheeseburger?

15. Where would you want to retire?

Again, currently San Luis Obispo.  Or Catalina Island.  Or perhaps Flagstaff.

16. Favorite time of day?

Early morning, reading the paper, or anytime I’m knitting and watching a bad movie.

17. Where were you born?

Pensacola, Florida.  Also known as “LA”; that is, Lower Alabama.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?

College Football and Caber Tossing.

19. Bird watcher?

Just the hummingbirds ouside our window.

20. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Definitely morning.  How else could I pop out of bed at 5:12 am??

21. Do you have any pets?

Three cats:  Wally, Cleo, and Kodoze; one dog:  Gypsy; an assortment of both tropical and marine fish.  And the Hubster.  And lots of dust bunnies; do they count?

23. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?

I got a new job which I’m actually quite enjoying so far.  They seem to eat lots of cake there.  Seriously, last week there was cake 3 days in a row.  When there wasn’t cake on Friday, I felt so cheated.

24. What did you want to be when you were little?

A teacher.  And a guest on the David Letterman show.  I don’t know how those two things correlate, or even if they do.  I also seem to remember that I didn’t particularly want to grow up.

25. What is your best childhood memory?

Standing in line to see Star Wars with everyone in my family, including Aunt Dolores and Grandpa.

26. Are you a cat or dog person?

Cat.  I will be the crazy cat lady in my old age.  Hubster will have a shotgun filled with rock salt to scare kids off our lawn.

27. Are you married?

Is that why there’s always that guy in the bed with me??

28. Always wear your seat belt?

Mostly – just today I drove from one end of a shopping center parking lot to the other without my seatbelt.  Damn, that idiot bell was annoying.

29. Been in a car accident?

I’ve been in five that I can recall.  Only one has been my fault so far.  The best one was when the cop suddenly flashed his lights and then did a u-turn right in front of me.  WHAM!

30. Any pet peeves?

Is Joe Arpaio a pet peeve?

31. Favorite Pizza Toppings?

Canadian bacon and mushrooms!  And ricotta cheese, yum!

32. Favorite Flower?

Pink roses and alastomeria lilies.

33. Favorite ice cream?

Lemon Custard.

34. Favorite fast food restaurant?

Wendy’s.

35. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?

None.  In fact, in the state of Florida, if you took driver’s ed and did exceptionally well in the class, you got a waiver to get you out of the driving portion of the test.  I only had to take the written test, and I squeaked by with the maximum number of wrong answers.

36. From whom did you get your last email?

My last email came from Shelley, and you can read her blog if you click I Miss My Sanity over there to the right.

37.  Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

To the chagrin of the Hubster, it will probably be an LYS that gets all my money.  (local yarn store to you non pet-a-fibers)

38. Do anything spontaneous lately?

I farted with impunity on my cat’s head; does that count?

39. Like your job?

Yes, but I wish I could get over that “new job” anxiety.

40. Broccoli?

Giraffe!

41. What was your favorite vacation?

Kuaii, Hawaii. 

42. Last person you went out to dinner with?

That would be the Hubster.  We went to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate my new job.  We had side salads and cheesecake and then we had to walk around the mall for an hour.  Wow.

43. What are you listening to right now?

“The Call of Ktulu” by Metallica.  

44. What is your favorite color?

Purple.  But I don’t say no to pink or black, either.

45. How many tattoos do you have?

None.  Yet.  I’m getting one when I hit 75 pounds lost.  Only 15 more pounds to go.

46. What time is it:

7:55 pm.

47.  Aren’t you done yet?

Stick a fork in me and turn me over, baby.  Hopefully I’m still pink in the middle.