1. Une Vierge chez les Morts Vivants does in fact Google translate directly to A Virgin Among the Living Dead. However, it’s fun to click the back-and-forth button a few times:
- a virgin among the living dead :: une vierge parmi les morts-vivants
- une vierge parmi les morts-vivants :: a virgin of the undead
- a virgin of the undead :: une vierge des morts-vivants
- une vierge des morts-vivants :: a blank undead (which probably refers to the wooden acting of the lovely leading lady, unless Jess Franco stashed Michael Caine around somewhere.)
2. When you arrive in town and the first person you meet tells you not to go to the Monteserate Castle, you should totes go there!
3. Upon waking up in an inn in a strange town, it’s perfectly acceptable to walk about the lobby of said inn in nothing but lace panties and a long-sleeved tee.
4. It’s good form to paint your toenails sitting at the wake for the dead at Monteserate Castle:
5. If you’re mute and only capable of whiny moans, try flirting with the pretty girl using a chicken head:
6. When staying at Monteserate Castle, mummified bats are part of the bed turn-down service. For the bats to turn into undead naked girl vampires, that’s an extra charge that will be tacked on to your resort fee when you check out.
7. The lawyer in this flick is so boring he puts the dead to sleep. I’m not kidding. The Mute Chicken-Grabber dozed right off! Personally, I found his eyebrows too terrifying:
8. Apparently, the willful destruction of The Great Black Todger of Satan you suddenly find in your room at the Monteserate Castle puts everyone at risk – at least the blind naked chick you also found in your room informing you re: destruction of The Great Black Todger of Satan.
9. It’s more disturbing to find The Great Black Todger of Satan than it is to have a conversation with your dead father who is tied to a chair in the library.
10. Another option for bed turn-down service at the Monteserate Castle is the Be-Stripped-Naked-and-Moved-Bodily-to-the-Satanic-Ritual/Happy-Hour option!
11. It doesn’t matter if you spell your leading lady’s name correctly in the credits.
12. If your movie doesn’t do well the first time around, just have some other bloke cut in some other footage from another movie 8 years later. No one will notice that none of the same actors or locations appear in the rest of the movie. Just scotch tape ‘em in during a dream sequence.