TUES 12: What I Learned from Watching “Madhouse” (aka There Was a Little Girl, aka When She Was Bad, aka Party des Schreckens, 1981)

This movie's got more names than a member of English royalty!

This movie’s got more names than a member of English royalty!

1.  When all the opening credits are in lower case letters, and the score is by Riz Ortolani, you are in for one treat of a movie.

2.  I’m not sure which I find creepier: a little girl in full adult makeup, or a child-sized doll that bleeds when it is smashed in the face with a rock.

3.  When you have a creepy, disturbing childhood, the best way to assert your adulthood independence is to rent an apartment in the creepiest, most disturbing house in the city.

4.  The best creepy apartments are the ones with the stereotypical, creepy, old, Japanese handyman.

"Okay lady, later we 'wax on' and 'wax off'!"

“Okay lady, later on I find Pat Morita and we ‘wax on’ and ‘wax off’!”

5.  It was fashionable in 1981 Savannah, Georgia to dress like Mr. Spock Meets Holly Hobbie, especially for women.

"Dammit Jim, it's not logical to refuse my help moving these bags of cement!" "And I say it's not logical that you've become a gender-bending smoker, Spock!"

“Dammit Jim, it’s not logical to refuse my help moving these bags of cement!”
“And I say it’s not logical that you’ve become a gender-bending smoker, Spock!”

6.  Big, vicious Rottweilers are apparently just allowed to wander off-leash around Savannah. They are also very good at hiding.  And are fans of Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining.

"HERE'S .... uh .... I forgot my line!"

“HERE’S …. uh …. I forgot my line!”

7.  Priests are allowed to remove dead bodies from the hospital morgues and terrorize goofy landladies with them.

8.  The best place to hide from a priest with a big-ass knife is under the camping cot.

"Awwww ... I think you shouted 'olly olly oxen free' a little soon!"

“Awwww … I think you shouted ‘olly olly oxen free’ a little too soon!”

9.  The color yellow does not keep you safe.

"Now how many times do I have to tell you you're a Winter??  Yellow is NOT YOUR COLOR!"

“Now how many times do I have to tell you you’re a Winter?? Yellow is NOT YOUR COLOR!”

10.  It’s perfectly logical, and not at all worrisome, to think that your creepy uncle has put together your birthday party in the creepy basement in your creepy apartment house.

11.  The best birthday party decorations are gazillions of lit candles, Christmas lights, a Mickey Mouse poster, a bunch of naked broken baby dolls … and a few dead people.

12.  Considering that the main character has both a crazy uncle and a crazy identical twin (who also has neurofibromatosis and some manner of sclerosis), it might be a good idea to cut down this family tree once and for all.

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About The Knitting Cinephile

I'm obsessed with good yarn, bad movies, and the Hubster.
This entry was posted in Scotvalkyrie is a grade-A goofball, Tuesday 12 and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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