MINI MOVIE REVIEW: “Beowulf” (1999)

Has anyone seen my glasses?  I really can't see without them!

Has anyone seen my glasses? I really can’t see without them!

Oy.  A white-haired Christopher Lambert gives us his half-blind myopic stare and a grunty voice while his gymastically-inclined stunt double goes flipping all over the place.  This version of Beowulf is more Mad Max than anything else except there are no vehicles.  The weapons seem to be cobbled together of mostly lawn implements and chainsaws, and there is a credit in the “thanks” to someone’s House of Bondage — I’m assuming for the costumes, in particular for Hrothgar’s daughter Kyra, whose wardrobe utilizes lots of sheer merry widows.  In this version, Grendel is the son of Hrothgar, Hrothgar’s wife commited suicide over the Hrothgar’s adultery, and Beowulf is the son of Ba’al.  But let me tell you the real reason this movie was made:

I ran my nightgown through the shredder!  Do you like it?

I ran my nightgown through the shredder! Do you like it?

That’s Layla Roberts as Grendel’s Mother.  Who is Layla Roberts?  She is Playboy magazine’s Playmate of the Month for October 1997.

And there you go.

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About The Knitting Cinephile

I'm obsessed with good yarn, bad movies, and the Hubster.
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One Response to MINI MOVIE REVIEW: “Beowulf” (1999)

  1. Nilliem says:

    Your yarn…so purty! 🙂 The movie is silly, and so….yeah, I got nuttin’. But the fiber!! Very nice!

    Like

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