TUES 12: What I Learned from Watching “Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare” (aka “The Edge of Hell”, 1987)

"I AM THE GOD OF HELL ...  Uh, no ...  I AM THE LIZARD K- ... uh, no ... What?  The INTERCESSOR?  What the hell is that?"

“I AM THE GOD OF HELL … Uh, no … I AM THE LIZARD K- … uh, no … What? The INTERCESSOR? What the hell is that?”

1.   Oh, the years have not been kind to Jon-Mikl Thor:

"Hey, thirty years from now, see if you don't look like Burl Ives, pal!"

“Hey, thirty years from now, see if you don’t look like Burl Ives, pal!”

2.  The logical place for demons to hide in your house is the oven.

3.  You may be forced to have an Ontario license plate due to where you live, but you can always show your preferred patriotism through vanity plates:

"It's only a problem when the Maple Leafs play the Red Wings!"

“It’s only a problem when the Maple Leafs play the Red Wings!”

4.  Demon puppets can possess you by hocking a loogy into your drink.

5.  Demons apparently spit up acid salsa.

6.  The point of demons possessing people is to have sex with each other.  And kill humans, obviously, but the sex thing is more important.

7.  “Topless Road Groupies” is a paying job for the band Triton, so make sure you get them your SSN and fill out all appropriate paperwork.

8.  Demon possession not only gives you extreme sexual prowess, it also makes you one hell of a drummer!

9.  Hey, even demon arms sprouting of your boyfriend’s chest only want to cop a feel.

10.  Little demon children require a Casio soundtrack in order to run about the house.  Also, don’t be alarmed when you realize that the little demon child looks more like a wrinkly wolf-goat.  At least, not until it starts ripping your face off.

11.  When wearing a spike-studded codpiece, it’s best to walk and stand with a wide stance:

"Please don't ask me to sit down."

“Please don’t ask me to sit down.  Please, I beg of you.”

12. Once the demons have all been defeated, end your movie with moving and panning shots of a random house in suburban Mississauga.

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About The Knitting Cinephile

I'm obsessed with good yarn, bad movies, and the Hubster.
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