Rabid? Yep. Drug-Infested? You bet. Hippies on a Blood-Crazed Killing Rampage? Oh, yeah. Blood drinking. Uh, no. Not as much. A brief moment of blood ingesting, sure.
- No matter how seriously you try to say it, the line “Your damned dam” is just funny.
- Even though your town is essentially deserted and there’s no hope of any customers, it’s always a good plan to keep a couple dozen “meat pies” packed and ready to go, just in case a Cultist Satanic Hippie Freak Group (hereafter CSHFG) wanders into town.
- As far as a CSHFG goes, this one is rather Democratic – not only is it racially integrated, but there’s room for advancement and positive bonuses for excelling performance. For example, if you catch and kill the most rats, you get to be leader for the night. How progressive!
- So, if you inject a meat pie with rabies-tainted blood, the CSHFs who eat the pies will go full-blown rabid in about 6 hours.
- When you can’t come up with a musical score, just use lots of pink noise as your soundtrack.
- The appropriate response to your CSHF boyfriend telling you that he just witnessed one of his fellow CSHFs stab a guy 10 times? Yep. Start rolling around in the hay. Literally!
“Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay?”
- Rabies transmits from human to human with the briefest of contacts, so one chick can infect an entire dam-building crew in about 30 seconds. (No, it doesn’t.)
- If bad movies have taught us anything, it’s that the best comic relief is found with an old fart cracker wearing a union suit.
- A rabies-infected CSHF will shy away from a river, but will run through a puddle with no problem.
- All you need to keep the rabies-infected out of your bakery is two sticks of 1×3 nailed across the door. Don’t worry about the plate-glass window.
- Run out of shotgun shells? Using a garden hose on the rabies-infected works just dandy.
- So … an eight-year-old kid can infect a CSHFG with rabies, which in turn causes one big higgledy-piggledy with massive amounts of casualties, deaths, and property damage, yet he gets off scot-free. Yes, the kid was seeking revenge for the rape of his sister and his grandfather getting set on a LSD trip, but … wow.