1. Planned communities are inherently evil, but God help you if your master planned community doesn’t make extensive plans for children and teenagers.
2. Sure, the clothes in the 1970’s were awful, but at least the guys wore their pants up over their butt cheeks.
3. A kid acting like he’s tripping out on acid is actually pretty funny.
4. You can fill a Caddy engine block full of firecrackers, and they will go off when the engine is fired up.
5. A kid with no mode of transportation other than a bicycle way out in the BFE suburbs can regularly get his hands on several kilos of assorted narcotics.
6. A kid standing on an overpass, pointing a BB rifle at oncoming cars raises no suspicions until he actually shoots a cop car windshield.
7. Matt Dillon was the king of playing “teenage thug”.
8. Teenage kids who have never held a gun before instantaneously become sniper sharpshooters the first time they pick up a .30-06.
9. Every adult in a planned community should keep a loaded firearm in the trunk of his or her car.
10. If a teen rec center closes down, the kids will go into full murderous riot mode in less than 36 hours.
11. Cheap Trick was THE band of 1978!
12. Parents of teenage hoodlums in a planned community are blameless, holy creatures.
13. If you’re only 14 years old, you can incite a riot that results in hundreds of thousands of dollars in property damage and at least one death, but you will only get sent to juvie for a couple of weeks.