TH 13: Things I Learned from “Beneath Loch Ness” (2002)

  1. Scottish accent, Irish accent, it’s all the same.
  2. Even though there are canals that link Loch Ness to the sea, there’s also an underwater “flute” that does the same thing.
  3. Scotsmen love their dynamite fishing.
  4. The idea that Loch Ness is too murky to see anything underwater is a total myth.  Make sure you ride the glass bottom boats when you visit.
  5. If Loch Ness looks a lot like Castiac Lake in Santa Clarita, CA, you’re imagining things.
  6. Scotland drivers use the right-hand side of the road and left-side drive cars, just like America.
  7. Scotland also prefers American currency.
  8. If you change a tire in Scotland, your car will magically change into a different car while you do so.
  9. The best way to go after Nessie is to wear a kilt and full “Braveheart” face paint under your dive suit.
  10. The Scottish Coast Guard has one crapload of authority on inland lakes in Scotland.  They also like to do dynamite fishing, but they prefer 55-gallon drum depth charges.
  11. Loch Ness is home to a lot of elasmosaurs, not just the one.  And those elasmosaurs are like the “T-Rex” of the deep, so swim at your own damn risk.
  12. Even though guns are relatively rare in the United Kingdom, apparently any old crazy Irish Scottish person can get his hands on C-9.
  13. If you are underwater right next to a crazy person with C-9, make sure you’re in the aforementioned underwater flute, as the C-9 will blast you 7 miles down the flute and onto the beach with no ill effects.

 

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About The Knitting Cinephile

I'm obsessed with good yarn, bad movies, and the Hubster.
This entry was posted in Scotvalkyrie is a grade-A goofball, Thursday 13 and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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