So a couple of weeks ago I came down with what we believe to be pneumonia. I’m not sure what it was, other than the fact I was miserable, I couldn’t breathe, I was constantly hacking up a lung, and I had the chills so bad I was literally shaking with palsy.
“Shaking with Palsy”. Sounds like a good garage band name, along with “50 Lb. Head” (a real band name) and “Godsicle” (which was the name of my brother’s band).
But anyway, I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to the local Urgent Care to get a chest x-ray, and all went pretty well until it was requested that I have a nasal swab done to see what I was actually ill with. Well, that part was okay until the girl came in with the swab and it was summarily shoved up my nose and scraped against the back of my sinus, whereupon I began screaming and crying and then I had a coughing fit that practically dropped me to the floor. As I tried to compose myself, another technician came in an apologized, but . . .
They had stuck a wound cauterization swab up my nose instead of the nasal swab.
Christ. In. A. Sidecar.
A wound cauterization swab has menthol and other stuff on it that is meant to stop bleeding (hence the cauterization part of the equation) and it probably shouldn’t be dragged around on the already irritated and tender mucous membranes of the back of the sinus.
So I’m lying there, half-expecting my brain to start collapsing out my nostril a la the SIL of the Leaky Brain (long-time readers will remember that story) with menthol leaking out of my tear ducts and the taste of blood in my throat from coughing so hard and the feeling of the mental and emotional synapses about to break down (read: I was about to throw One Big Fat Wobbly) and so another swab was shoved in the other nostril and I received a shot of antibiotics in the ass and I was sent home, whereupon I did throw the Big Wobbly, much to the dismay of the Hubster, who also didn’t help the nostril situation by asking if I still had a sense of smell (I think he was thinking lawsuit at that moment) but I sent him to get my scripts and I climbed back into bed and waited for him to show up with my codeine. That did help a little.
When I went to my own doctor for a follow-up (you didn’t think I was going back to that Urgent Care, did you???) I learned a new phrase you don’t want to hear from a doctor:
“Man! Have you SEEN your chest x-rays??”
So yeah, pneumonia. It sucks. I’m still coughing – mostly because the sarcoidosis doesn’t make any kind of bronchial illness any easier – but I’m feeling mostly better. Partially because of the codeine, partially because of the extra prednisone, partially because I learned that no permanent damage was done to my sinus (but boy did that SMART), but mostly because Hubster gave me chocolate and the Zombieland movie for Valentine’s Day.
And nothin’ says lovin’ like a good zombie flick.